"He'd Still Been God"

First, let me thank everyone who commented on my last post. Y'all are awesome. And I share your grief and hope. Your words meant the world to me, even if I couldn't respond at the time. Grief remains unpredictable and cruel...so naturally, I want to talk about music.

I've been involved in music, in some form or fashion, since I was six years old. Piano lessons came first, then band (I played the flute/piccolo) and choir. I joined my first church choir when I was fifteen; chorus at school followed. Although I walked away from music as a livelihood, creating music has always been a part of my life.

So it came as no surprise to those who knew me that I would test all those "what children are born knowing" theories with music. When I became pregnant, I inundated my belly with songs. And Rachel was, in fact, born knowing some of the songs. (How I know is a topic for another blog...but she did.)

Rachel was my musical miracle. It was a major part of her life as well: it calmed her when she was upset and soothed her when she was sick. She became excited and thrilled when she heard me sing - so much so that I dared not have her in the sanctuary when I sang a solo. She'd squeal so loud with pure joy that I'd lose focus and start giggling.

Needless to say, I had a hard time with music in the first few weeks after her death. I still have trouble with some songs...and will for a long time. But Rachel wasn't the only one who was helped by music. Music has always been my solace as well.

A few months ago, I came across this article about the value of the classic hymns of our faith. I've always loved the hymns, especially in some of the newer arrangements. And the words will move me like few choruses will. But I never overlook the theology in "modern hymns" either...or their ability to bring solace.

I'm a fan of a Southern gospel group called Greater Vision. (I also like the Killers, Coldplay, Howard Ashman, Dwight Yokam, and Glenn Miller...again...story for another day). The songs GV chooses to record can often make me absolutely shout with faith and joy. One of their songs, "He'd Still Been God," has, in particular, helped me during this time. The "theology" behind the lyrics is that Jesus would have been God, no matter what he did. While he performed miracles, he didn't have to. He would have still been God, come to offer us salvation, miracles or no.

Jesus healed people out of his compassion and mercy.

He stills does. That God led me to a place where I would create music for my unborn child, with the result that music would aid her like nothing else would, is to me nothing short of a miracle. One born of mercy and compassion that would make her life and mine much easier. 

But if I worship and love him, and I do, it's not because of the miracles in my life. It's because he was and is God.

And there is infinite solace in that as well.